we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i think i just lost a toe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize