i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
