so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
