I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
