: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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