somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
