No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
