Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
