you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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