wat bout pragnant strippers??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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