from now on my penis is your penis
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize