dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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