Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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