Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
