Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
True strength comes from lack of pants
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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