Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
