How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you still have your period?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
