Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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