Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
