haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
