Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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