He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize