i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
