Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
