Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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