i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
