Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
