he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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