He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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