I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize