her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
