Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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