your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
