so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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