i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
COCAINE IS GR8
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
