i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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