For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
