I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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