Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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