do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
