I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
