Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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