I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
