i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
