I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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