Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
