he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
