I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
