Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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