He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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