I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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