I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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