i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
