It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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