I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You've changed since you got that strap on
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
