Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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