I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
