As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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