So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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