I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
