How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
