worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
