i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
