A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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