So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
