need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
