I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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