My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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