3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
