If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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