Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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