god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
