If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
