i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
