I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
