I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
